Welcome to my new website.

My new website loves you unconditionally. When you sit in that lazy-boy recliner of yours cooking cocktail wieners in the easy-bake oven you stole from that yard sale and you catch a glimpse of yourself in the sliding glass door that leads to your “hobo grave yard” and you wonder how you became such an ugly and horrible person– don’t sweat it too much, my website still loves you.

My new website will always be here for you no matter what.

Go ahead, let yourself slide. Get as fat as you want. Forget to shower for a month. Brush your teeth with country gravy. Be the putrid sack of shit you’ve always dreamed of becoming– my website doesn’t mind. It’ll still party on you till the break-a-break-a dawn.

Grow a weak little mustache and change your name to Renaldo Rumtugger Mclongtooth the III– do it, see if my new site gives two shits.

It doesn’t.

It loves you for who you are and what you will one day become.

Welcome home.